Trump Deploys ICE to Shasta Dam

BREAKING NEWS: This week, President Trump announced his intent to deploy ICE to cool Shasta reservoir.

The reason? Salmon need that cold water to survive.

Endangered salmon need cold water releases from Shasta Reservoir. But this year, that cold water reserve is under pressure. The combination of limited snowpack, heavy water delivery commitments, and the recent record-breaking heatwave means that later this year, temperatures could become too warm, even fatal, for salmon.

“Friends of the River applauds this recent move by the President, which will kill two birds with one stone: cooling water down and dumping ICE exactly where it belongs,” said Jann Dorman, Executive Director of Friends of the River.

President Trump’s interest in California salmon comes from his desire, to Restore American Seafood Competitiveness, outlined in a recent Executive Order.

According to a federal official that spoke on the condition of anonymity, ICE leadership is ecstatic about this deployment, calling it a “natural evolution” of the agency’s mission to address overheated conditions nationwide. They also noted that cooling things off is “well within our core competencies.” Officials say they hope this pilot sets the stage for future operations, including a potential mission to Lake Tahoe to slow rapid snowmelt and extend the ski season.

The plan, as described, involves transporting large quantities of ICE to Shasta reservoir in an effort to cool water temperatures and support salmon populations downstream.

Officials declined to comment on how much ICE would be required to cool a reservoir the size of Shasta, but did express optimism that deploying the entire force could accomplish the goal. When asked whether the ICE would melt, the official responded. “April Fools.